21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Matthew 18: 21-22
I have this friend that I am really close to and they did something to me that I thought was unforgivable or close to that extent. This is one person who knows everything about me and they are supposed to be the last person on earth to ever do something like this. As I get older and meet more people I realize that trust is absolutely vital to relationships. If there’s no trust then what is there? it’s all meaningless!
I wasn’t as hurt over what they did as I was over how much they deceived me and the extent they went to reassure me that what I thought was happening wasn’t happening. All I could think about were the times I asked and they looked me in my eyes and blatantly lied. What they did was absolutely wrong and the fact that they have not apologized does not help anything. When their response was not remorseful I blocked them off everything. Their number was blocked, Instagram, snap chat, WhatsApp you name it. I was very angry and I think I was rightly so. However, this anger I was holding on to was not benefiting me at all. That’s the thing about anger, it makes you feel justified and condemns the other person but staying angry solves nothing.
Today God humbled me. There was a time that I did something that hurt this particular person and they let it go and we worked through that. I was extremely ashamed of what I did and was thankful and humbled when they did not hold it against me. When I thought of that time, my brain argued that what they did was worse but my heart reasoned that the hurt caused was the same. I thought about the person as a whole. I considered them from all this time that we had known each other. Even now as we are not speaking, I know they have my back. If I was in any kind of trouble and I called them up, I know they would be here. I am like that to them as well. So all in all, this is not a person to give up on. God put in on my heart to extend the forgiveness he so eagerly offers to me when I ask for it to them. I did it and I feel light and free.
Trust will have to be rebuilt. That’s the thing about life and relationships though. People are not perfect and we will hurt each other. My goal in every relationship is to be quick to forgive, to act in love and to be kind. Always, as my God is.
Thank you daddy for putting our needs and wants ahead of yours.
Happy Father’s day to my heavenly father.
It’s been awhile since i’ve been on here. The main reason being that I’m lazy and the other reason is that I’ve been working. Yes you’re girl is back at it, trying to save up money for school. It’s funny too because it’s something that i would never have gone for and yet here we are. God has been showing me lately what I am capable of achieving when I stop looking at my self imposed limitations and act in faith. I went into interview process not believing that I would make it. I have this bad habit of selling myself short. The day of the interview, I kept telling myself “yes you should be here, you have the experience, you have the skills.” I guess I did have the experience and skills afterall.
Earlier this week,a friend and I went out and took some pics. I’m really loving my Canon EOS Rebel. It’s worth the money and it’s so easy to use.
Here are some shots:
top: Urban Planet
sandals: Shoe warehouse
Meet my photographer/model/gal pal Mimi
We will most likely head downtown next with the camera for some new scenery.
I did not think I’d be in the same position I was in before but here I am searching for another job. Money wise things have been quite bleak and I have struggled with trying to understand why I am unable to catch a break. I have less than $100 in my name and a Visa card to pay off and rent to pay which I do not have the money for. I’m not a careless spender, I just haven’t had income coming in lately. I’ve had a couple panic attacks where I have realized how dire my situation is and I have cried out to God to give me something, anything. With each panic attack my anxiety level increases and I want to wallow in my misery. I’ve always been an anxious person, I wasn’t aware that it was such a problem until I started living on my own.I didn’t know that the way i felt how had a name. Whenever I would start to get anxious I would look for relief in other things instead of looking for reassurance from God.
I remember in Job 2 when God allows Satan to attack Jobs health. Job’s wife said that he should disregard his integrity and curse God and die. To which Job responded: “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” Jobs wife wanted him to react to God how I’ve found myself reacting. I’ve been a lukewarm Christian for a great amount of my life. God doesn’t want lukewarm Christians. You’re either all in or all out. I do not get to pick and choose the things that I want to do or don’t want to do. Why am I so willing to walk away from God and his word when I don’t get my way or things aren’t going well? I always think of this verse now to keep myself from being a conditional follower Of Christ. I’m all in. God loves me unconditionally, in my good and in my bad times and I have had some real bad times. Love is a choice, and it’s not real love until you love that person when things get messy and hard.
Just the other day, I read a passage that really spoke to me in my money situation.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10
Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.I know that through this time, I am being taught a lesson. God uses pain and hardships to shape us into the Godly men and women that he sees.
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. I recall all the times I cried out to God to take my problem away. I know he will answer my prayers but I just don’t know when. When paul pleaded God to take away his problem, God told him that his grace was SUFFICIENT, for his power was made perfect in weakness. AS I read this part, I knew that God was telling me the same thing. His grace is sufficient for me. His free, unmerited favour is sufficient ( being enough so that I lack nothing). Since I have God’s grace, I have all that I need. I don’t need to worry about money or the future or anything, he has got me covered. I have grown a lot more in my faith during the low points in my life than in the happier times. I depended on no one else but God in those low times and there I was aware of his power.
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. I don’t know if I will ever delight in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions or difficulties but i won’t run away and hide or be scared of them. ‘3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.’
So right now, I am at peace. I’m surprised that at such a time as this, I can be so calm and unbothered. There are still times when frantic thoughts sneak their way into my mind but I am able to quiet them down with this truth: God’s grace is enough for me!
I thought I’d share something I’ve recently been through. I thank God that I got through it.
Ever since I quit my sales job at Zara, I had a hard time finding a new job. I can’t recall the number of places that I applied to. At the time I wasn’t too worried about it because I still had a bit of money leftover from my savings. As time went on, it became apparent that I needed a job ASAP. I had to pay rent, buy supplies for school and buy bus tickets. A couple friends of mine from school were also on the same boat. It seemed that absolutely no one was hiring. At one point, I got an email from a job I had applied to requesting to set up an interview and I was so relieved. However, when I contacted the manager to book the interview, I was told that the position had already been filled. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. Still I kept applying.
During this time, my savings were decreasing . I prayed to God, that he would provide something for me. However as time went on and I saw no results I became frustrated and disheartened. I felt like God had abandoned me. He knew my situation and yet my prayers weren’t answered. He felt distant to me. I was never in any real danger because my parents were always there to help me out if I needed help but this was something I wanted to be able to do for myself. I thought perhaps God was trying to teach me that it was okay to ask for help, so I asked for help. I later had a phone interview for clothing store that I really liked but I did not get the job.
Wanting some encouragement, I searched for ways to overcome the distance. I came upon an article on Familylife.com titled:’When it seems like God has abandoned you’. The article talked about two truths. One, that Jesus shared in our sufferings and that God is good and generous. Jesus suffered way more than I’d ever suffer in my life. Many other people have suffered and are suffering way more than I was. Usually comparing our situations to others is not beneficial but this time it was. Comparing my time of trial to the suffering of Jesus, Job and the less fortunate people of this world really put my problem in perspective.Another thing that brought about hope was realizing that my problem was only temporary. It wasn’t going to be a forever thing, I just had to wait it out in faith.
It wasn’t that God was distant. It was me that had created the distance. I finally gave the burden to him. I had done all that I could and it was time to rely solely his power and not on my abilities. My abilities were certainly limited.
Fast forward to the last couple weeks:
After sending out a fresh batch of applications, I was contacted for three interviews. One was scheduled for Monday, one on Wednesday and one was a phone interview that I did as I was on my way to the one on Wednesday. I was offered the job on Wednesday which I took, and later that day I was offered the job from Monday which I declined. I’m excited to see where this job will take me. It’s in downtown Toronto, which makes me feel like a real working girl. I’ve also had to overcome my fear of the subway which means I go check out all the cool vintage stores downtown *yay*.
Ive been living here for about eight months now and its now that things have really started.